FOR I AM LIKE ON FIE-YAH (fire) AND I'D LIKE TO BLOW SOME SHIT UP THANKYOUVERYMUCH. FOR TODAY, WAS THE MIXTURE OF AWESOME AND WTF THIS IS FUCKING CREEPING ME OUT.
After getting over the drama of tennis yesterday, I waited for the new day to start. It did. In a strange fashion. Now, some of you might know the sakit-hati-ness of my EPIC of the most EPIC battle with The End in Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater which happened a few months ago.
A little trivia for all of you who don't know: The End is not 'the end'; he's an old man that's part of this group called the Cobras formed by the three major powers of the world and it's headed by this awesome chick called The Boss. Yeah, even her 'the' needs capitalizing. So, in simpler English, these guys are like the super elite of the elite elite soldiers. The End is the sniping dude.
The bane of my existence in MGS3 is in the form of an Old Man with a fucking parrot for a companion, and apparently he can wing it with photosynthesis. Wtf.
So, naturally, there was a sniping shootout. It encompasses a large territory (three separate maps!!!) that you have to stalk around and snipe each other... So in other words... It was like hell.
Now, I'm not a very patient person. So I gave it a try. And I actually
got patient - I waited out for the guy and all, and I was like, doing so well, I was freaking thisclose
I repeat,
THISCLOSE
To shooting his fucking eyeballs out and winning that fucking boss fight when suddenly, he sneaked up beside me and I got my ass shot.
Um.
Wtf.
WTF.
WHAT THE FUCKITY MC FUCKIT.
Yes, that was how the EPIC BATTLE OF THE EPIC OF BATTLES went. So I revisted the thing after a few months (MONTHS) because I wasn't kecil-hati with it anymore so I was like totally prepared to fight that fugly old man bitch. Okay, the CD was working fine. The people were working well. I was trying to remember Snake's control during the intro movie scene. The game loaded up.
And then it happened.
A mysterious new cutscene went up.
"Sir. I found The End - he's dead."
WTF? HE'S DEAD?
"What do you mean he's dead!"
"He's just dead, sir."
"Maybe he just died from old age."
"Wtf? He just kicked the bucket in the middle of the battle because of
old age?!?"
YEAH EXACTLY I WAS THINKING OF THE SAME THING, MAN. HE JUST KICKED THE BUCKET WHEN I LEFT HIM THERE IN THE CONSOLE THE NONLIVING CONSOLE, MIGHT I ADD, FOR IDON'TKNOW HOW MANY MONTHS?
TALK ABOUT FUCKING-ABSOLUTELY CREEPY, DUDE. IS THIS THING ALIVE?
AND SENTIENT?
LIKE MY LAUNDRY?
BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY.
And. Like. A sense of pride went through me. Like, like my mind knew subconsciously that you have to stake it out for a few months and let your fury burn at it and let it die on its own. I... I don't know. Games just
don't do that but when they do, when they actually know you're killing them off slowly, it's like... The best feeling in the world. It's like shooting someone in the balls without even looking in Rainbow Six: Vegas 2 (for the record, you can actually do that).
So later I found out that actually, yeah, the guy does die from old age. Apparently if you don't want to fight the guy at all, just save your game, reset your PS2, go to the configuration menu, fast forward the time to a few months (years if you really want to), and play the game. He'll, like, die. LOL. JUST LIKE THAT.
Seriously, makers of this game: AWESOMESAUCE.
In other news, it's really a lot of fun to dress up as Major Ivan Raidenovitch Raikov. Major
who? Major Raikov, really. XD You can do practically
anything when you're disguised as this guy - you can run around, you can roll around, you can
punch the freaking guards. Oh my GOD. Playing this guy was absolutely the
BOMB. I mean, come on.
"Well, you can do whatever you want now."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah."
"Even punch a guy in the face?"
"Yep."
"You're kidding me."
"No, I'm serious."
"Really?"
"Yes, really."
"Why's that?"
"Raikov's just that kinda guy."
This. This is the guy who I have to strip naked and stuff into a locker to. And he gets love from a psychomaniac.
He's the dude in the middle.
And him, from another angle. I'd seriously get another picture of him, but there're no good cutscenes of him. GAH.
Seriously. And, not to mention he's freaking hot and is Volgin (the bad guy)'s gay lover. XDDD (A reference to the girly looks of Raiden, protagonist of MGS2.) LMFAO. I mean, Volgin was totally grabbing Snake-In-Disguise-As-Raikov's crotch while in one of the cutscenes, and he said 'You're supposed to be in my room', so like srsly, implications of lovers there, totally. I dunno, I just find two sadomasochistic people who are totally in love with each other trying to rule the world horribly endearing. 8D
Meet Volgin. He's trying to rule the world 10000 kWs per second. 8D
Meaning, he can shoot lightning from his hands! Literally.
Well, that's all for today. Highlights of my day seems to be MGS3. Am I right? Also, it brought my mood down. BECAUSE IT WOULDN'T LOAD FOR THE NEXT STAGE OF THE BATTLE WITH VOLGIN I MEAN LIKE WTF SERIOUSLY LA COME ON LA.
Ugh.
Well.
I know the story anyway, and even if I can't complete the game, I still know the story, and I don't really wanna fight the awesomesauce chick (the Boss), AND I got to punch the freaking guards without being sic'ed on my ass by being Raikov for a little while, so it was all good. 8D
I mean. Like. I punch a guy in a face, right? They're like -
"U-Um, k-keep up the good work, s-sir."
THEY WERE READY TO PISS IN THEIR PANTS.
I love Raikov. I seriously do. And Volgin, so at least I didn't get to kill him in the end.
Signing out.
Labels: blather, gaming, wtf, WTFLOLWTF, yaoi
